The Reason
by Safaia
Summary: Sometimes it's all right to change for the one you love. Sometimes it's all right to take that risk to create the perfect moment. Told to the lyrics of "The Reason" by Hoobastank. KuramaxHiei


The Reason

_I'm not a perfect person. _

_There are many things I wish I didn't do_

_But I continue learning. _

_I never meant to do those things to you._

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

We never used to fight. I remember days and centuries when everything just seemed so perfect. We would go from place to place, fighting off those who dared cross our path. We were an unstoppable, amazing pair. The Untouchable Fire Child and The Great Youko Kurama. That's what we were. You and I. We connected in ways that made us fly far above others in thievery. As time went on, while we searched for an accomplice to aid us in your operation, I saw a change in you. That fire of hatred for everything began to fade and at moments, I thought I saw glimmers of trust in your ruby eyes. No one could ever catch us, no one. And no one ever did...until Yusuke came. That's when things started to change for us; that's when things did not go our way; that's when we were finally defeated.

I remember walking away from you that day in the rain. You were so surprised to see me walk away, but you knew that I had things to take care of, something that meant more to me than the mission. I had my weapon; that was all I needed. Yet that fire that I came so accustomed to seeing everyday burned even deeper. Without a second thought you left again, turning away as if what we had was nothing. I suppose you had your reasons; I had hurt you that day. I chose to be human instead of a demon I chose to look away from my heritage and embrace this fake life I live; I chose to leave you behind.

I came running when the council let me free. I came running as fast as I could. I knew Yusuke had the ability to take your life and you to take his. A useful ally Yusuke would become, somehow I think you knew that, yet when you blinked and saw the sword in my body instead of his...your eyes flashed with that fire again. For a moment, a brief moment that only I could see, you were worried about me. You were worried that I was hurt, but weakness was something you never liked to let anyone see. I blinded you and watched as you stumbled away. It was at that moment that I knew things would be different from that second on. As I struggled to help the human girl I wondered over and over again why you would do this. What made you do this to the humans, Hiei?

When you fell to the ground I looked away and put on a face to fool Yusuke. The pain in my stomach was mild compared to the pain of seeing you taken away back to the Spirit World to stand trial. They would not be as lenient on you as they were with me. You took possession of humans with the intent to kill them in the end. No matter what your intentions were, that was the crime and nothing could change that. Yet Koenma, knowing that we had worked together in the past, asked for our aid. At first, you laughed at him. I almost did as well. He asked us to aid Yusuke and we did. That's when things really began to change. We were together a lot after that. We were all "detectives" at that point, a team. We were together again.

_I've found a reason for me, _

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new, _

_And the reason is you_

You were always such a foolish little fox, Kurama. Time and time again you would look at me, worried, and I always wondered why you worried about me? We were in an interesting team, you and I. I had finally found someone who didn't look down on me like the rest of them. If it wasn't my size that lead demons to disrespect me it was the fact that they knew what I was. The Fire Child, the thing that was thrown away by the Ice Apparitions as if he were nothing. You, Kurama, didn't even think twice about those rumors and the facts. There was no way you didn't know, you probably could recount my past better than I could. And after all of that you said yes when I asked you to work with me. That day I found you hiding in the shell of a mortal acting like you blended right in. You didn't blend in, you covered your trail well, but I found you nevertheless and you agreed to my plan of robbing the artifacts. At the time, I didn't know your motives, I hoped they were the same as mine: to control the low life demons of the Makai.

I remember working with that stupid fluke Goki. He was hardly worth being in our presence, but he had the strength and determination to go with it, so I cringed and went along with it. Things were going so well until you walked away. "How _dare_ he," I thought. To save your human mother. The humans, the humans were taking you away from me. They were binding you to this pitiful world, a place I longed to get away from. You knew I wanted to escape, you knew how much I hated them, and you still left; you wanted that world more than our world, more than me. So I turned my back and fixed my eyes on the human world; the world that you loved so much. I no longer cared about what could happen to me. I wanted to destroy the world that kept you away from me. If we were in the Makai together we could avoid our enemies together, in our world, where we belonged., where we belonged together. You stopped me! You protected that human runt Yusuke. You turned against me to protect a creature you didn't even know.

I hated you; I hated the way you looked at me; I hated the way you would move around, looming like some sort of spirit that haunts me; I hated the way you would make me want to have to around; I hated you. You always seemed so close to me even when we were miles apart. It took everything within in me push away the realization that if that feeling went away that I might miss it. Might, I can't seem to admit to you or anyone else that I miss you. You found a weak spot in my soul and stole it with your little words and pretty boy smile. Some of me still hates you to this moment. There is nothing I can do about it now. The fact of the matter is that you have stolen part of my soul and you hold onto it tight, as if you might care. I highly doubt you even know how to care about anyone or anything but yourself.

I know what the Youko are like. I might not be as old as you are, but I have heard the rumors of the Youko and how they treat those around them. Nothing more than play things. Little play things that they toyed with and then threw them away like they were suddenly broken. They were broken, broken in spirit, and that was when they became useless to the Youko's. That is when they would abandon their play things.. Would you do that to me? Would you just throw me away after a while, Kurama? Could I even trust you to be honest with yourself and admit that there might be a chance that you couldn't care less? I think the better question that I should be asking myself is whether or _I_ would care if you said those things. I hate you, I hate you for making me sit down and try to figure you out.

_I'm sorry that I hurt you _

_It's something I must live with everyday_

_And all the pain I put you through_

_I wish that I could take it all away_

_And be the one who catches all your tears, _

_That why I need you to hear_

The Dark Tournament. Now I had my reasons to worry, Hiei. We both knew what the battles would be like, we both knew that as the "special guests" we would not be welcome among our fellow apparitions. We were going to fight along side humans after all, the punching bags of the tournament. This was going to be dangerous for both of us and we knew it. The boat ride was very uneasy and I found myself watching you. Standing on the rail with the precise balance, a skill only a true fighter could master, and a presence that you were not afraid of the scowling demons that stood all around us. The way you seemed so calm about standing there as if there as if you hadn't a care in the world.

I knew that things were going to be bad the moment we set foot in the ring for the first battle. The power leaking off of our opponents was incredible and something that I did not want to face eagerly. They were going to be foes unlike those we had fought before. I don't think Kuwabara was quite ready for a fight and I don't think either of us was entirely surprised that he lost. We had trained him vigorously for six months, but there was no way either of us could prepare him for the sheer brutality that was the Dark Tournament. The concept of "mercy" was not something that the tournament was known for and that fact he was a human did not help his popularity either. Then again, the two of us standing there on the sideline did not boost our standings with the apparitions. The Traitors. Next to seeing Yusuke dead on the ground, their greatest desire was to see us fall.

After my fight with Roto I could only think about how that lowlife had used my emotions against me. Would another try and do that again? My mother was one option, yes, but what about my companions, my friends. While I doubt anything would have the courage to even think about using one of them as blackmail, I don't want to risk that. The next fight was going to be yours against Zeru, the apparent team leader. After revealing to everyone how he went about scaring us the previous night, you seemed confident enough. I, however, am a little worried. Despite your powers Hiei he was a formidable foe and you'd do best not to underestimate him. He consumed you in his fire as if you were nothing compared to him. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath, myself included, Zeru's power was incredible and we thought it had consumed you entirely.

When you emerged uninjured a small sigh of relief came through my entire soul. Part of me knew that Zeru would not be enough to destroy you; yet another part was worried beyond belief that you might have been incinerated. But when you revealed yourself to Zeru again, unharmed, the determination in your eyes was unbelievable. When you started to summon the darkness I knew you were desperate. Your confidence in the attack seemed very believable, but we both knew that you had never unleashed The Dragon before. It could kill you instantly and yet you were willing to take that risk. Again, I had mixed feelings about that. I admired you because you were willing to put forth so much to win. At the same time, I wanted to wring your neck for even considering doing an attack that could take you away from me. How dare you even think of using something as dangerous as the Dragon of the Darkness Flame?

_I'm not a perfect person, _

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go _

_That I just want you to know_

Never had I experienced such pain as I did after I called up the Dragon. However, I could not let the spectators or any of the team members see just how much damage the Dragon had done to me. As I walked off the stage your eyes followed my every move. You were reading me, yet again, trying to figure out if everything was all right. You seemed so worried and behind your worry I even saw some irritation. Were you angry at me, Kurama? Did your logical mind want to scream at me for taking such a risk? As Yusuke entered the ring to fight the leader Chu, you continued to watch me out of the corner of your eye. We would make contact and hold each others gaze for only a moment before turning our eyes back to our teammate in the ring. You were most defiantly angry with me and it was taking a lot of self control to hold back that anger. I felt a small smile form across my lips. I found it all too amusing that I had made you so angry with me. You were most likely going to lecture me like a parent later tonight. I could feel my smile grow with the thought.

The battle with Chu was long and boring. Mostly Yusuke and the drunkard kept throwing punches with no strategy what so ever. It did not really matter to me how they fought as long as Yusuke won. We had the following day off to recuperate. I was fine with that. I needed to evaluate the damage done to my arm anyway. It wasn't until nighttime that you confronted me. I shouldn't have expected anything less. You knew that if you decided to preach to me in front of everyone else you would live to regret it. When it was just the two of us I hardly cared, it wasn't the first time it had happened anyway.

We met on the roof of the hotel. That seemed like the most logical place to meet after all, since it was about the only place that we wouldn't be interrupted by some apparition who held a grudge against us for what we were accomplishing. I would be just as angry if it were me that was being beaten by some humans. I let my singed arm, skin still blackened from the dragon and stiff from the skin trying to heal,hang and tried to ignore the burning I felt each time the wind blew. I looked up and saw you standing there, the sea breeze from the island lifting your blood red hair off of your shoulders. We stared at each other for a long time and the silence that followed was almost unnerving. I wasn't sure who was going to break the silence in the end. I wasn't even sure words were needed.

I had a good feeling what you wanted to tell me. You were going to lecture me about how stupid I was to call the dragon. Then you would go on about how it wasn't worth what I was going to have to suffer now. My arm could be completely useless unless we find a way to mend the burn. And so on and so forth. I'll probably end up ignoring some if not all of the rambles just because I hate it when you decide that you have the right to preach to me on what I should and should not do. Yet even so...I still find myself listening with some part of my mind. Maybe I just like the sound of your voice, fox, maybe I just like the sound of your voice.

_I've found a reason for me, _

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new, _

_And the reason is you_

"You know what I'm about to say," Kurama stated, watching Hiei carefully as the smaller demon heaved a sigh.

"Kurama, I knew that you were coming long before I ever set foot on this roof," he replied, turning so he faced the fox before him.

"Should I even bother to lecture you then?"

"Probably not, considering I already know that I made you angry today."

"Angry? You think so?"

"Oh I know so, Kurama." Hiei stood up and walked closer to the other man, hands in his pockets. "You're angry because I stupidly risked myself by calling the Dragon."

"That is not true. I know that you had no other choice."

Hiei scoffed. "That pathetic Zeru would not have defeated me."

Kurama gave Hiei the same look a best friend gives when he knows the other is lying.

"You wouldn't have tried something so dangerous unless you had no other choice. You wouldn't do anything so reckless this early in the Tournament."

"Silence you stupid fox." he grumbled. Kurama could only sigh.

"Still...it was amazing watching you accomplish something like that." Hiei did not respond to the compliment. "A move that only a few have tried, it was a great risk, but you succeeded and that's all that matters to me."

"Of course I succeeded."

"No one is that confident when dealing with a creature from the depth of spirit world. You told Zeru yourself that you had no control once you let it loose." Hiei scoffed again. Kurama reached over and put a hand on his companion's bare shoulder. Hiei stopped moving all together. "Though I won't deny...that losing you would have crushed me." Kurama squeezed Hiei's shoulder a little tighter and the smaller demon made no move to end the physical contact. The older demon decided that now was the best time he would get to hold the person he cared for so deeply in his arms. He began to move away from his companion, as if to wander off to think. Hiei chose to ignore these movements and stayed where he was. Kurama stood a few feet from Hiei now, admiring his bare back in the moonlight.

Hiei felt Kurama's strong arms encircle him from behind and pull his smaller body into his an embrace. He tensed for a moment and even thought about breaking free, all thoughts vanished when Kurama knelt down and Hiei could feel the hot breath of his companion on the back of his neck. Kurama was urging him to sit down with him and before his mind could think, Hiei could himself against the body of the fox demon, letting those long fingers touch his torso. Kurama rested his head on Hiei's shoulder.

"What are you doing, you stupid fox?" Hiei muttered though the words were hardly loud enough for anyone to hear. Kurama didn't respond, he just held the smaller apparition to his body and kissed his shoulder very lightly. Hiei made no response to the show of affection though the beating of his heart began to increase. Kurama knew this and kissed him again, a little longer this time and moved his mouth to the back of Hiei's ear.

"Hiei..." Kurama whispered gently into his ear, "Promise me you'll be careful out there. Don't let another lure you into using the Dragon again. I need you to stay here with me." Hiei did not respond right away, he had no words. Someone was telling him not to use a move that would ensure victory.

"I promise." Though in his heart he knew that if the life of his fox was on the line he would not hesitate to use the Dragon to save him. The moon rose higher overhead and the two companions lay together for a long time, neither of them moving or speaking. There weren't any words to be said. In this moment, actions spoke better than words. Kurama gently lay a hand on Hiei's injured arm. He hissed in pain and cursed himself silently for the damage that was done. Yet as they sat there together, the pain began to fade the longer Kurama kept his hand there.

"I will mix an herb remedy that will help with the pain." Hiei nodded slightly and muttered a thanks for the offer under his breath. He wanted to stay just how they were, at that moment, but it all seemed so withdrawn. This moment was not perfect, not the way he wanted it. There was something missing. It was time to make the moment perfect.

Hiei moved out of Kurama's arms, but did not stand up. Instead, he moved so he was sitting in front of his fox. They held each others gaze for a long time and Hiei thought that he was going to get lost in those green emeralds forever. He began to close the space between them, slowly at first, waiting for a reaction from his fox. Kurama seemed surprised, but also began to move in. Lips met fang and the moment was suddenly perfect. There were not any flashing lights or anything to the extent, they both knew that this is what they wanted and they were finally getting what they dreamed of.

_I've found a reason to show _

I no longer need to stay so disconnected to you Hiei, now that I can feel this between us. This is not luck, this is destiny.

_A side of me you didn't know_

You are mine now, fox. You are my fox and no one else can have you except for me.

_A reason for all that I do_

The moon dipped behind the clouds as the tide began to roll in on Hanging Neck Island. And in the shadow of the night there could not have been a more perfect moment.

_And the reason is you_

11/30/04

_This took way too long for me to finish, but after a long month of NaNo-ing I was so ready to work on fan fictions. I know this may seem like a weird place to end, but I have a sequel that I will write as soon as I see the end of the Dark Tournament. Love and more love to Flamika, my lovely beta reader. 3_


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